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Suicide Hotline

Picture
It was late Christmas Eve 1990.  I was the only White Boy not traveling home to see the family.  I had been itching to do my first live show at the local Access Television studio where I had been training, and there was time available.  I had scheduled a weekly live series that was to begin in the spring, but I had passed all the required classes and I wanted to do something.

Not sure what I was gonna do, I set up a camera in the control room, turned it on and started taking calls...  I had little idea what I was doing at the time and I forgot to white balance the camera so my skin had a bit of a green tint to it.

The calls started out fun, but quickly turned into just a few callers calling over and over again.  About 45 minutes into the show people are screaming into their phones that they were bored, and that I should do something more interesting....  I told them that I did have an idea for a different show, but only if they were interested, and if they would promise to take me seriously... They begged, I relented.

Fade to black....

In fades the title "Suicide Hotline"...

Dissolve to me... looking exactly as I did before... same green tint(Grinch-like someone commented)... same everything, except for the serious look on my face.I start describing the premise...

We've all heard that the incident's of suicide go up during the holidays.  A feeling of loneliness and isolation will get the better of some. And in their hour of need, who is there to help them... that would be me.  I explain that the typical Suicide Hotline would try to console them, invite them in for consulting, tell them that it was gonna get better...

Arrogance and Gall!

How dare they presume to know you better than you know yourself!  I would not make that mistake... I will not judge you.  In fact, Live or Die, I don't really care either way... But... if you've made up your mind... and you're having trouble with that suicide note(you might be dyslexic) I can provide you a service.  Stick a blank tape in your VCR and give me a call... I'll give you as much time as you need to say goodbye.  Tell your family you love them, tell your co-workers you hate them... whatever...

The show lasts about 8 minutes... I take about 50 phone calls.... you do the math.  Not a lot of heartfelt goodbye's.  Nobody took it seriously, myself included, but they weren't even playing along with the gag.  I was bored, tired, and heading home.  I still had live time available, but I switched it to color bars and packed up my stuff.

On the way out the door, the security guard said there was a call for me.  I picked it up and there was a woman on the other end who asked me a couple questions about show.  I confirmed the basic concept, and said that no one took it seriously.  When asked if it was going to be a regular show, I said I doubt it.

The next day, I get a call from a local news team, they heard about the show and want to interview me.  I say sure come on by.  They're pleasant, we talk for twenty minutes(on camera) and they leave.  That evening, I'm the lead story...  The lead story for my first ever live television show!...  It didn't matter that they totally misrepresented the actual content of the show, and portray me as some card carrying member of the Hemlock Society.  It didn't matter that they searched the 5 surrounding counties looking for a suicide that they could pin on me.  Including counties outside of the cable company's viewing area.  What mattered was that I just logged the first 3 minutes of my 15 minutes of fame.  I was hooked... An idea from my head(poorly executed) made people take notice... and all of a sudden, I had a lot more ideas....

All the other White Boys were still out of town... I taped the newscast and played it for them later...  I don't know that they were as excited about it as I was, but they did seem to get more serious about the live series that we were about to embark on....

One last thing, I was working at the Brick oven pizza place at the time, and about a week later, I am called to the phone.  Someone from Paramount Studios was evidently on the phone... Turns out it was a producer for "A Current Affair" a tabloid news program.  They heard about the suicide show, and wanted to do a profile on me... Knowing the reputation of the show, I politely declined.